Hopeless Self-justification...

Saturday, August 22

Where did I take that confounded wrong turn...

this is one of the top questions to hit my head during my personal hours of reflection. (read *lecture hours*)
Sometimes I think I've gone astray and wound up at a place where I'm not supposed to be..
Life is cruel, it gives you no lifelines.
You gotta think on your own (which is time-consuming., not to mention the hard work involved), or ask others who are as lost as you are..

The reflection process continues...

this place.. what's it even called?!
Oh wait, I must be the first to tread these grounds..
correction: the first of my kind...
for I can spot many, out of the corner of my eye..
shapeless shadows running and taking refuge in the inviting dark..
I try to count.. weigh my chances..
but heck, there's just too many
God, I just wish they dont bite...
...but I can already feel the blood leave my system

I get one of my Adrenaline rushes!

and I know what will follow:
"Hey guys look what I can do....
...oh fuck that hurt!@"

Yeah right, what happens around me these days seem to be way outta my league.. I feel like I'm some insignificant creature. *gah

back at the ethereal wasteland where my life has lurched to a screeching halt.

claws tightening round my feet...
that blind alley suddenly looks like a safe haven.
I dont know what it holds for me
but I'm not afraid.. I dont care..
yeah, that's what she told me..
"You don't fuckin care!"
I'm glad I didn't bring her along.. I need to suffer this alone
I don't need a friend
not that I deserve any..
or do I?
I wonder, as I ease my mind and take a drag..
smoke rings fill the air
this is my best friend..
the cancer that slowly eats its way through my bones..
my friend who's gonna put the final nail in my coffin..
my friend who can slow the sunlight down..
always by my side, like a burning torch
until the day that I finally cross over
...and become one with the earth
my sweet earth..

my own personal purgatory..

this was actually meant to be a serious post, after havin broken up with a really really good friend.. but crap, it seems I underestimated the power of the herb.
That explains the sophisticated words in the post that even I cant make out, and yeah, the unexplained laughter (as my roomies put it)
if you are reading this, know that I have nothing against you.. you are one of the nicest persons I've ever known.. but really, i think you are much much better off without a shithead like me as your friend lol



CRD said...

really does hurt to lose a frnd. ive lost a close frnd too. for a damn stupid reason.

Bettie said...

heya, tis me, Bettie. I just wanted to stop by and thank you for your visit and for the b-day wishes.

I love the name of your blog, how did you come up with it?

take care,

Bettie ;)

Nature Nut /JJ Loch said...

Beautiful post!!! Insightful with super imagery.

Cheers! JJ

Manjari Singh said...

hope ur frd reads this

Shruti Mukundan said...

ah!! losing a friend hurts!! i know!! i know!! can feel the words... its deep n effective. good that u wrote down, must b feeling better!!

Sorcerer said...

WOnderful post!
Mind churns out beautiful words when we are hurt; aint it an irony?

Meeke the Writer said...

How did you add the twitter and digg buttons?