Heartache...

Monday, March 28








don't remember how I got there.
It was a dimly lit hall in a building and we were standing near the doorway, talking. The place looked oddly familiar, kinda like our old college canteen. It was dusty and there were cracks on the wall. I was telling her something I dont quite recall.
I saw her looking intently into my eyes. and I thought she looked angelic, like she was made of porcelain and grace. which made me stop in my tracks and hunt for words.
Then she just leaned over, and kissed me.
A kiss that set me on fire, one that more than made up for the countless sleepless nights of longing and yearning.
Pausing for breath, she pressed her lips to mine again, inflicting me for all eternity.

Well, I don't remember much after the kiss, partly because it made me light-headed. We sure did walk along a stairway that seemed to go on forever. Brown and yellow leaves were scattered on the ground, and contorted trees on either side, making it look like an autumn evening. I held her hand and we just walked, enjoying the silence and each other's presence.



...and of course, finally waking up to face the bitter truth.
that the perfect world that i lived moments ago was but a fool's pipe dream.
just a dreamscape that felt so real and near, but actually existed aeons away from my reality.

I remember striving to achieve lucidity in my dreams a while back. to be able to control what I dreamed, to model ethereal dreamscapes.
But sometimes, isn't it just better to let our dreams take us where they want?
The places they take you, sometimes they can just blow our primitive minds away. I for one, can't name a dream more beautiful that the one I had last night.

Hmm maybe I should count the day I read the Chronicles of Narnia. That night I dreamed the founding of the world. Oceans rising and continents forming... it was all very beautiful, but it also felt otherworldly, like I was peering into some dimension I wasn't supposed to be seeing. Not real and lasting like this one.

I know reading the book triggered that dream. But this? Dreaming of a person you haven't thought about in a while, a person you deliberately refrain from thinking about, like a diet of the mind, to spare the heartache.. What started as a mere crush but soon transformed into a downward spiral of obsession and craving. Like a junkie constantly feels the need to shoot up. girl, your thoughts obsess my days... I feel my mind has become one with my soul, cause I cant think straight. Logic is clouded by emotion, soul has lost its flame. fubar. 'nuff said.

I just hope that this wound heals with time. that time flows in and fills the cracks in my sanity. Until then, I'll just do my time here, writhing in the embers, and praying for the bliss that is ignorance.


..didnt wanna write any of this crap, but now that I did, I feel a lot better.
and I also feel the need to invest in a personal diary.
and maybe I should just stick to bad movie reviews and posting crap about famous people in this blog.. yeah, I should :/

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